All I Want Is A Normal Life

Ok, this is a TOTALLY UNRELEASED set from Splat, my brother and best friend.

I sent out this email a few minutes ago:

Hi Meghan and Maid Marian,

So, after doing some heart searching, I realized that now is not the time for me to be a Regional Contact. I think I’d be excellent at it, and all my values are right there in line with the larger goals of regional contacts, but I’m coming off of one of the hugest cat-wrangling jobs I’ve ever done (co-mayoring Gigsville) and I’m kind of in a phase of decompression.

I take commitments seriously and I know that keeping a commitment to being a regional contact would take away from so many personal projects that I value. At times, the sacrafice would be worth the payoff since this is such an amazing opportunity to effect change at a local level, but now is not that time.

I’m sure you’ll select some amazing people (sounds like you have a lot of really strong candidates) and I look forward to being involved from a participant level! I hope that at least one of your selections likes hiking and camping.

If a position comes open in the future, I hope you will consider me for it.

Thanks for your time and it was so great to meet both of you!

See you soon,
Normal

Yep, I took myself out of the running for an LA regional contact. I thought of the Wilderness Travel Course and how busy my life is already. I thought about how I was so mad at David for taking this contract that takes all his time and always makes me second in line for attention. I thought about how I would be compensated by a ticket to an event that I kind of don’t want to go to. I thought about the other candidates, and how they would probably be organizing events and outings (maybe even beach burns), and that I should just sit back and let someone else lead for a while. I thought about getting 8 hours of sleep per night, breathing every hour, caring for Diva, cleaning something every day… all the things on my mirror… and how this wasn’t congruous with those goals. I thought about being a politician and having to concern myself with people’s opinions. I thought about how important it is for me to be liked and how personally I took the inference that people’s perceptions matter (even though I hate to admit that they do).

I thought about all these things. And I think it might not be the right time.

I’m trying to do this outside of the awareness that it’s likely that both people reviewing who should be Regional Contact are probably going to be reading this, but it’s going to be hard. That said…

On Wednesday, I met with Maid Marian and Meghan about being a regional contact for Burning Man for the Los Angeles area. It was a strangely formal interview, with them asking all the regular interview questions, but left me kind of not really sure I wanted to do the whole thing… just because of the interview itself. They were both super nice, so it wasn’t them, it was just the interview itself… See, I’m a really committed person (anyone who knows me well will agree), and when I decide to take on something, I really *do* it. To me, this would be a huge undertaking… one that required a lot of time, attention, and planning… probably 10 – 15 hours per week, which is a lot when you consider that I was just kind of getting used to having time to read after work (a luxury I haven’t had in the past three years). So, there’s the time commitment, which is huge.

But then there’s this other issue, which is a question that Marian asked during the interview… she asked about my drinking, and then said that people’s impression is very important. It really made me uncomfortable, because I’ve been a pretty notorious drinker in the past, but in the past year, I’ve really cooled it a lot, even giving the title of “Coach of the Drinking Team” to Slinky about two years ago, just because I don’t really deserve it anymore. Yes, when it’s time to party, I party. But I have all these other things I’m doing these days (like hiking and working) and drinking just doesn’t really fit in to that (nor does smoking, which I gave up in January, or drugs, which I mostly stopped doing about 10 years ago). I mean, there’s a time and a place for everything.

But what mostly rubbed me wrong about the question was the follow-up statement that impressions (maybe she said “reputations,” I can’t remember) are important. I don’t have time or energy to be constantly concerned with people’s judgments about me based on seeing me once or twice a year. If this is a politician’s job, I’m not interested. As they say in Brazil, “Cheguei!”, which means “here I am!” I’m here, not where I was yesterday, or last week, or last month, or five years ago. People will judge. That’s just a fact of how people are. But I don’t have any desire to concern myself with caring about keeping their perceptions in line with what’s happening. Either they take the time to get to know me, or they don’t. (some might finish that sentence with “or they can fuck off,” but I don’t want them to fuck off… I do like people and I want everyone to get to know me for me)

But on the plus side, they seem to want someone who “promotes the culture and values of Burning Man locally,” which I can totally get on board with. I’ve always been an activist for charities that I believe in… everything from doing the AIDS marathon training (and raising all that money… thanks, contributors) three years ago, to doing the AIDS LifeCycle last year (thanks, contributors), to planting trees for the OutdoorsClub (as I can), to supporting others in their charity work. I’ve wanted to get more involved in conservation work for the environment, since it’s so important to me. Being a regional contact for Burning Man would put me in contact with a lot of like-minded people and give us the opportunity to inspire thousands in the local area to work on these things, too. And thinking about the art in San Francisco… with my knowledge of LA’s arts funding programs and connection to people on those boards… I mean, I’m in a really good position to get some good work done. I could actually make the world a better place, which is out of reach for 99% of the population just because for every good deed one person does, it seems like there are five careless people who are un-doing that good deed. But together, and with focus, we could do amazing good things. And that’s a life worth living for.

The jury is still out. As far as I can tell, it’s a volunteer position, with the only compensation being the personal satisfaction of knowing that you did something valuable, and the ability to connect with people who want to make the same difference I want to make… which may be compensation enough.

And, of course, I may not even get the position. Meghan and Marian have several applicants (only two of whom I know). They may want someone better connected to the different parts of Burning Man culture here in LA… someone who everyone knows, not just some small subset of artists and miscreants. So this all may be a moot point.

I guess the only thing to do is wait and see…

Gigsville prom 063

Originally uploaded by Splat Worldwide

This is one of my favorite shots from the Gigsville prom photobooth. Talia and I initially dressed identically in matching black slip dresses and high heeled boots, with matching black curly wigs, but the wigs got itchy and we ditched them in her car while on a foot-water run (pictured in my glass as that unnaturally red liquid).

“Foot-water” was actually Sera-sport, which I was drinking compulsively all week after my little exciting trip to the med tent for severe dehydration. We called it “foot-water” because it tastes like a foot that has been swiped through the crack of an ass. It’s absolutely disgusting and is pretty difficult to drink, but it kept me well and out of the dirt most of the time.

A side benefit is that I never got drunk enough to forget what I was doing. Um. Yay. This doesn’t, however, mean that I didn’t get drunk enough to do things that I wouldn’t ordinarily do when I was sober. It just means that I remember Every. Fucking. Stupid. Thing. I. Did. (which hopefully explains the “dear God, what did I just do?!?” expression on my face)

Hey All,

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

That was an amazing event. No… actually… screw the event.

That was an amazing family reunion.

I’m back at work and am double busy and come back facing increased responsibilities, lots more work, and a very relieved team. Doods, they’re making me a manager! Of humans! So I’ve been busy.

It’s not possible to tell you how much I appreciate everything from the wild times at Prom and with the Midnight Ridaazzz (btw, Tackett, did you mean the Jim Beam bukake?) to the serious times of emotional trainwreck on seeing the Ex (thanks, LuMi, Pete, and everyone who had to deal with my freakin’ mess) and going to the med tent to prevent the dirt nap (thanks, Connie Lynne) and my heterosexual life partner (for life, really!), Kathleen. It just isn’t possible to put it into words, even though I fancy myself a writer and even though I remember most of it.

The bar was amazing. Slinky, you did the most amazing job ever. Bob and JP, the buffalo was a perfect touch. Terry… holy fucking shit. The bar. I tested! It works!! And Ellen, thanks for providing me with the single most horrifying father-daughter moment ever. Really. It was bonding. And the sound system… HEY! I actually was able to figure it out and the music was GREAT! Thanks so much, Bunnies!

And Prom… Prom was more than just a night to regret. It was a night to really, really, really, really regret.
Here we are, regretting the fuck out of that night! Splat, the photobooth was a-freakin’-mazing.
And in all seriousness, there was something magic about that night. Even though there were a lot of strangers, everyone was family. Everyone was there and it was so wonderful. I can only hope those brain cells don’t die of abuse in the future, because the memories are just golden.

Speaking of golden… the year of non-consensual watersports is OVER, people. I won’t be peeing in anyone’s hands, ears, mouths, cups, or ANYTHING. Go ahead and beg, but it’s not happening.

The DFTs, Ea-cuP-Tea, KAOS… christ, people. I thought only we were as cool as us, but now I realize that you’re all totally USome and you’re one of us. Jake, I still cry when I think about the rose.

New mayors, Connie-Lynne and Dana, yes… I do need rape awareness training. Sorry for, um, whatever I did that I’m not admitting to and that you’ll only become aware of much, much later. Feel free to call me any time, day or night, and blubber (or ask advice). Thanks for letting me puke on your shoes. Pass it on.

And mostly, Jet. Man, I had no idea the depth and breadth of your awesomeness. Yes, I knew you were the best and freakin’ amazing, but I never thought that out of this whole process would come one of the most rewarding and wonderful partnerships I’ve ever been part of. I know you’d never use words like this, but I feel so blessed to even know you, let alone be one of your closest friends, let alone have MY URINE IN YOUR MOUTH. Truly, it’s love. I can’t wait to work with you on projects that have nothing to do with Burning Man… like finishing that pitcher of beer over there.

To everyone I haven’t mentioned in this email (and there are several dozen), it wouldn’t have been the amazing adventure that it was without you. The fact that I’m at work prohibits me from continuing this email further, but do know that just because you’re not called out by name doesn’t mean that I won’t call on our shared stories the minute someone asks about my _____est moment at Burning Man.

Thanks for everything. Srsly.

And I’m going off email for a while, so if you need to reach me, call or txt my cell

Loving you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful…
Normal