All I Want Is A Normal Life

(sorry, I couldn’t resist the gratuitous Beatles reference)

So, here’s how this generally works: I write out some really general 5-year plans, then I struggle through some really far away 3-year plans based on the achievement of the far away 5-year plans, then I write some 1-year plans (again, based on the 5 and 3 year), and then I write some 6-month plans, and finally some 3-month plans, and then I review it all and go, “ok, what did I forget in my Memento-style approach to goal setting?” Usually, it’s quite a lot. In 5 years (2014, to those who want to be surprised by a year that looks very far away, but is actually right around the corner), I am not thinking about how much I’ll owe in taxes, whether I still have this 20 lbs to lose, visiting G’ma before she dies, and stuff like that. I’m thinking in huge generalizations like “have friends,” or “have a good relationship with my family.” But if I worked it from the 3-month out, I wouldn’t ever get to the bigger goals like “Hike the Pacific Crest Trail,” since that requires a lot of foresight that I typically don’t have when thinking of immediate needs…

Which brings me to why I think goals are important. When I’m unhappy with my life, goals give me a hope for the future. Instead of waking up every day and slogging through an endless march of shitty monotony, I know that I’m marching through this shitty monotony to the FABULOUS FUCKING CASTLE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MARSH! OOH a castle! But if I didn’t have that castle, I’d just look at the grime on my shoes and mutter about how no one knows the trouble I’ve seen. And also, I usually start wondering why I’m in this monotony and start taking actions –often quite drastic actions– to break the monotony, which sometimes isn’t the best from a long-term perspective. Likewise, when I’m happy with my life, it’s easy to coast through the years without noticing that time is passing, waking up at some later time wondering why I didn’t hike the Pacific Crest Trail [before I lost both my legs in the Revolution/before I got married and had children/while I was still insane enough to try it]. Don’t get me wrong… everything is great with loving the time you’ve got and being present in the moment and just being happy (in fact, Buddhists would say that this is the absolute in enlightenment, and that wanting all these goals and stuff is the path to unhappiness), but I think I’ll be happier knowing that I accomplished many things and had many experiences at the end of it all. I mean, I had to decide far in advance that I wanted to bike the Lifecycle, otherwise I never would have started training in time. And some day, I will want to accomplish things far greater than the Lifecycle that will require training of years, not just months.

So, that’s goals. Or resolutions. Or whatever.

Last year, I totally phoned it in. Those goals down there aren’t goals. Most of them weren’t even things that I cared very deeply about. Not that I’ll have more attachment to my goals that I’m working on now, but you’ll see the behemoth task of goals when I finally finish them up.

Right now, I’ve done up a 5 year plan and a 1 year plan, but I was distracted and people were talking to me and doing yoga and stuff like that, so I missed some stuff. My dad and I are getting together in a few days for more hours of goal-setting. It’s always great to do the goal-setting with my dad, since he’s so ambitious and taught me how to do them in the first place. Also, he’s wildly proud of me and it’s kind of nice to have someone cheering and who I can cheer for.

And as you’ve probably inferred from the manifesto above, you should really work on your goals, too. I’ve got some handy tips about categories and what type of things to include.

Anyways, off to do yoga!!

Ok, this is a TOTALLY UNRELEASED set from Splat, my brother and best friend.

Weight loss has become such a big part of my thoughts recently that I thought I might as well blog about it. I’ve been trying to minimize it, but all this point tracking takes a lot of attention and it’s really a big thing that I’m thinking about when I’m not thinking about work.

Twigsville, Gigsville’s annual camping trip, is coming up in a few days. Every year, it’s the same thing… I bring all this healthy food and then people make plates of enchiladas and chili and all manner of other things, and the healthy food ends up chauffeured all the way up to Cambria and all the way home, only to rot in the refrigerator from being warm in the car for too long.

Not to mention the drinking. As with any Gigsville trip, Twigsville is a lot like a group drinking binge for all people inclined to binge drink. For the past three years, I’ve brought a keg of ale that needs finishing before the end of the four days… and we keep it secret for the first two because otherwise, there would be no beer at the end of the event.

But this year, I’ve got to focus on other things besides eating huge quantities of community-cooked food and drinking oceans of beer. So how does one do it?

The Weight Watchers site offered the following recipe, which seems good (albeit modifiable for the better):
Mushroom Cap Pizzas
Makes 18 servings, 4 mushroom caps per serving
Total yield: 72 mini pizzas
POINTS® value | 0 per serving
Ingredients

* 72 cremini (baby bella) mushroom caps, wiped clean (about six 8 oz packages)
* 5 sprays olive oil cooking spray
* 1 cup prepared pizza sauce
* 1/2 cup fat-free ricotta cheese
* 4 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese
* 24 basil leaves, cut into ribbons for garnish
* Red pepper flakes, for garnish
* Garlic salt for garnish

Instructions

* Preheat broiler to high.

Coat a shallow baking pan or rimmed cookie sheet with cooking spray. Place mushroom caps, round-side down, in a single layer, in prepared pan; coat with cooking spray and broil for about 1 1/2 minutes. Flip mushrooms; coat with cooking spray and broil for another 1 1/2 minutes.

Turn mushrooms round-side down and fill each one with 1 teaspoon of pizza sauce and 1/2 teaspoon of ricotta cheese. Sprinkle mushrooms with Parmesan cheese; broil for another 1 1/2 minutes. Immediately remove mushrooms from pan and garnish as desired. Yields 4 mushroom caps per serving.

It’s coming to that time again… when I take care of the arduous task of working on my New Year’s Resolutions.

Last year’s were as follows:

1. Live in a place where Diva can run free – done
2. Find a hike in the SoCal area with miner’s cabins -OR- go up to Jorstead’s cabin
3. Read Jorstead’s book – no longer available
4. Go camping once per month – started well, but stopped
5. Write in Journal several times per week – started late, but in progress
6. Be in awesome shape for 4 consecutive month
7. Prioritize backpacking!
8. Do yoga for a few months – have started recently
9. Prepare to hike the Pacific Crest Trail in 2010
10. Take the Wilderness Travel Course – tried, but broke my arm. have re-enrolled
11. Be mayor of Gigsville – done
12. Go kayaking
13. Don’t get pneumonia – done!!
14. Don’t get tuberculosis – done

So, I did moderately ok, but still had epic fail on many levels of this. I’ll post my new resolutions here.

We’re not mind readers, you know. If something’s bothering you, you should really just fucking say something already instead of sulking around waiting for us to guess. Did we miss your mother’s birthday again? Are we drinking too much? Is this about how we forgot to pick up little Billy from school yesterday? We may never know unless you just fucking tell us.

And that’s where this guide comes in. Through these communication techniques, you’ll learn to express what’s really on your mind through verbal and nonverbal communication. To take “blame out of the game” and start really showing us how we make you feel and you make us feel.

Broken Relationships Come from Broken Communication Techniques

Yeah, we’re talking about you. You’re fucking broken, and that’s why we go around and around again about the same shit, day after day. When we all understand the process of open communication, we can start to rebuild this fucking wreckage of a relationship that you’ve made.

Basically, we’re saying that our relationship is fucking Kabul, and you’re President George W. Bush. At least have the common decency not to argue about that.

The Language We Use to Symbolize Reality is Really Incomplete

You always leave something out when retelling a story because the words you choose to describe reality are not reality. They’re just your understanding of reality. Our understanding of the same reality can be –and often is—completely different from yours.

Remember that telephone game from elementary school? No matter how it started out, it always ended the same: with a kid whispering “Your mother is a whore and you smell like bad eggs” into your ear. Why? Because no matter how it started out, you couldn’t escape the truth that Deborah is, in fact, a whore. And we didn’t want to bring it up this way, but you really do smell kind of like rotten eggs. But not exactly like rotten eggs… see what we mean about words not really expressing reality very well?

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Miscommunicating Reality

1. Be careful in the words you choose. Are you sure you really want to say that? Think about past times you’ve said similar things and think about the damage you’ve caused to us and our relationship.

2. Ask clarifying questions. “Really?” “You can’t be fucking serious,” and “This again?” are all excellent starters to clarify questionable statements that may have been made.

3. Avoid generalizations. When you say, “Men/Women are all the same! Lying, cheating assholes/bitches!” Do you really mean that? Or are you just saying that you couldn’t do any better and you’ll probably just end up dating the next creep who picks you up at the Laundromat? Be honest with yourself, here. You’re not getting any younger.

We See the World Differently

You say we drink too much. We say you should lighten the fuck up and have a good time for once. You say we’re terrible parents. We say you should have gotten the abortion like we said. You say we should get a job. We say that the lottery pays way better than any fucking day job.

To become better at communicating, and to understand where you’re wrong, you should be sure to listen –really listen—to what we’re saying. Really. Shut the fuck up.

In the Real World, Everything Occurs Within a Context

We have probably all been misunderstood or had misunderstandings when something has been taken out of its original context. Although you don’t fully understand how much our environment influences us, you need to consider that when we tell you those girls/boys meant nothing to us. We were drunk and/or high. Sorry. How many fucking times do we have to go over this?

In fact, this is bullshit. We’re going to the bar. Don’t wait up. Yeah? Well fuck you, too.

So, my car broke today. It was fine, working totally fine, and then when Edie Babe and I were heading out to the Theory Labs “Oh Come, All Ye A-Holes” party, my car would not start. Just click-click-click and nothing. All the lights were getting power and everything, just no starter turn-over. So we were basically stranded… and Isa, bless her heart, offered to have someone come fetch us and drive me back tomorrow, but I still feel kind of sick and I didn’t really want to spend much time at the party, so we ended up just deciding to finish the cheap blush wine that Edie bought and watching The Party with Peter Sellers (classic 60s movie). And honestly, I’m a little relieved that I didn’t have to go to the party… am I really becoming a shut-in? I guess so. I really was looking forward to seeing certain folks like Buck and Noosha, and maybe Vanessa if she came, and definitely MattShaw, whom I haven’t seen since –geeze, I dunno, maybe August?– a long time ago. But I don’t know that I was really in the mood to be at a huge crazy party bonanza.

I hardly go to parties anymore or even do much of anything. If David and I break up, I’m going to be seriously fucked for friends. He and I basically just spend all our leisure time together, which I guess is what most people experience as a committed relationship, but I’ve always been more independent… for exactly the reason that I kind of freak out if I don’t have a fairly wide circle of life outside of my boyfriend. I just don’t like being dependent on someone to complete my social life. It seems a little sick to me that someone would just spin off with someone into this silly couplelandia. But I guess that’s kind of where David and I are.

And I think I figured out what’s wrong with my car: it’s probably just a fuse for the starter. The weather’s a bit crazy and this kind of thing plays a bit of a number on fuses. I’ve got spares, so I’m not too worried. If it’s not that, then it may be the starter motor or the connection to the starter… but I’m starting with a fuse.

I feel like I’m just seeing a best friend after months of not talking. There was SO much stuff I wanted to write about… everything from the cyber-bullying case (briefly: It’s awful that the girl killed herself after being bullied by the mother… that woman -the mother- is a sick individual who should be in a mental institution. It’s people like this who make our society bad in the ways it’s bad. But at the same time, there’s no *explicit* law that if someone harassed someone else into killing themselves, that the harasser is a murderer. I mean, I could call you every day and tell you that everyone hated you and you should die, but you are ultimately responsible for if you kill yourself as a result of that… and, for whatever is right or wrong here, that’s the way our society is put together -or should be-. I can’t sue McDonalds for seducing me with trashy food that ultimately will kill me) to Mary Poppins (briefly: watched it last night for the first time, and OH MY GOSH that’s the best movie ever. I want to watch it every day. STEP IN TIME! hahahaha… awesome) to Beyonce (briefly: I love her. I don’t care what you say. She’s great).

But this morning, I’m eating the most amazing meal I’ve cooked since going vegan: a soyrizo burrito with sauteed mushrooms, peppers, garlic, scallions, onions, and jalapenos, topped with some fresh avocado and wrapped in a fresh and delicious flour tortilla. YUM! I’m watching Survivorman, one of my favorite shows (Les Stroud is my television crush). At 1pm, Santacon (Lord knows where that website came from… Santacon’s always been kind of an underground event), which I’ve managed to talk David into coming on. After watching Mary Poppins last night, I realize that Dick Van Dyke’s character, Bert, would be an awesome boyfriend. But no one is like that, and the fact is, David and I get along really well. We laugh at the same stuff and we laugh pretty constantly. No, he’s not goofy or larger-than-life like Bert, and I had to do a little convincing to get him to come to Santacon, and he doesn’t really like camping or hiking, but I love being with him, I love talking with him, I love laughing with him… I love HIM. So much so that I don’t really care if he doesn’t want to do all those other things that used to be most important to me in a relationship — things I thought I’d never compromise on. So I’m sticking with David and trying to find the motivation to do all these other things (hiking, camping, karaoke, etc) without him. He’s not a vegan and doesn’t even eat organic/sustainable meats or vegetables/fruit. He’d never even had real peanut butter until he met me… it had always been that sugar and lard concoction that they market as nutritional paste. Bleh. And he loved the real peanut butter! I warned him that he’d probably not like it, since it just tastes like peanuts, but he likes peanuts and loved the peanut butter! And he at least plays along when I make vegan food.

It’s a beautiful day and I’ve got a lot of stuff to do today, so I have to get moving. I’ve set myself up for a vigorous training program to ensure I’m in shape for the Wilderness Travel Course. Even though the “Girlfriends” episode of “Flight of the Conchords” is on, I’ve got to peel myself off this couch.

Seriously.

Off the couch.

OH and props to WordPress on the new look. Um, now you just have to get mobile uploads, hey?

So, one of my best friends and favorite people in the world, Splat, is getting hitched. Since I’m the Best Man, it’s up to me to plan the bachelor party. Because I’m pretty sure that he’s not going to check this blog, I’m posting the plan here, just for fun:

Ok, here’s the PLAN: http://www.mapquest.com/mq/8-Lg7kDaMU

That link has all the directions from one place to another. I’ve tried to keep it simple and close, so we all have less of an opportunity to get lost and/or confused.

I have the following people confirmed for dinner reservations at 5pm at Harris’s Steak House at 2100 Van Ness Ave:
– Andrew
– Scott
– Jack
– Jon Chiappa
– Ryan
– Michael
– Keith
– Chris
– Heidi
– Splat
– David
– Myself
The reservations are under “Danielle,” which is a random name that I pulled out of nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.

From there, we’ll meet at 7pm at Buccaneer at 2155 Polk St to gather people who didn’t join us for dinner.

After Buccaneer (9pmish), we’ll all go to Dalva at 3121 16th Street.

10:00 or 11 (things get more flexible as it gets a little later), we’ll go the few blocks to Cassidy’s Bar at 1145 Folsom St.

If we’re ahead of time, we’ll go the block or two to The End Up (though I really doubt we’ll have extra time) at 401 6th St.

Splat, David and I all have to catch the midnight BART, so we’ll hop on the train and leave you to your reindeer games.

To recap:
5:00 PM Harris’s Restaurant
7:00 PM Buccaneer
9:00 PM Dalva
10:00 PM Cassidy’s
beyond: ?? End Up?
BART back to Oaktown Bootyville and Andrea’s loving arms

The goal is to NOT LET SPLAT DRINK ENOUGH TO PUKE. I trust that you’ll help me with this, since I’m not even good about meeting that goal for myself.

My phone number is 510-xxx-xxxx and I respond best to text messages.

If this plan looks sucky, either all or in parts, please let me know. We’re going a total of 4.38 miles so we could probably even walk this, but Andrew is generously taking 6 of us (some number… I think it was 6 or 7) in his child molester van. Hopefully at least one or two of you want to stay sober enough to drive yourselves or at least get drunk enough so the 4 miles feels like nothing at all.

Are we ready to rock? Yes?

Ok, great. Let’s rock, then.

- Normal

Looks good, yeah?

I’m trying to do this outside of the awareness that it’s likely that both people reviewing who should be Regional Contact are probably going to be reading this, but it’s going to be hard. That said…

On Wednesday, I met with Maid Marian and Meghan about being a regional contact for Burning Man for the Los Angeles area. It was a strangely formal interview, with them asking all the regular interview questions, but left me kind of not really sure I wanted to do the whole thing… just because of the interview itself. They were both super nice, so it wasn’t them, it was just the interview itself… See, I’m a really committed person (anyone who knows me well will agree), and when I decide to take on something, I really *do* it. To me, this would be a huge undertaking… one that required a lot of time, attention, and planning… probably 10 – 15 hours per week, which is a lot when you consider that I was just kind of getting used to having time to read after work (a luxury I haven’t had in the past three years). So, there’s the time commitment, which is huge.

But then there’s this other issue, which is a question that Marian asked during the interview… she asked about my drinking, and then said that people’s impression is very important. It really made me uncomfortable, because I’ve been a pretty notorious drinker in the past, but in the past year, I’ve really cooled it a lot, even giving the title of “Coach of the Drinking Team” to Slinky about two years ago, just because I don’t really deserve it anymore. Yes, when it’s time to party, I party. But I have all these other things I’m doing these days (like hiking and working) and drinking just doesn’t really fit in to that (nor does smoking, which I gave up in January, or drugs, which I mostly stopped doing about 10 years ago). I mean, there’s a time and a place for everything.

But what mostly rubbed me wrong about the question was the follow-up statement that impressions (maybe she said “reputations,” I can’t remember) are important. I don’t have time or energy to be constantly concerned with people’s judgments about me based on seeing me once or twice a year. If this is a politician’s job, I’m not interested. As they say in Brazil, “Cheguei!”, which means “here I am!” I’m here, not where I was yesterday, or last week, or last month, or five years ago. People will judge. That’s just a fact of how people are. But I don’t have any desire to concern myself with caring about keeping their perceptions in line with what’s happening. Either they take the time to get to know me, or they don’t. (some might finish that sentence with “or they can fuck off,” but I don’t want them to fuck off… I do like people and I want everyone to get to know me for me)

But on the plus side, they seem to want someone who “promotes the culture and values of Burning Man locally,” which I can totally get on board with. I’ve always been an activist for charities that I believe in… everything from doing the AIDS marathon training (and raising all that money… thanks, contributors) three years ago, to doing the AIDS LifeCycle last year (thanks, contributors), to planting trees for the OutdoorsClub (as I can), to supporting others in their charity work. I’ve wanted to get more involved in conservation work for the environment, since it’s so important to me. Being a regional contact for Burning Man would put me in contact with a lot of like-minded people and give us the opportunity to inspire thousands in the local area to work on these things, too. And thinking about the art in San Francisco… with my knowledge of LA’s arts funding programs and connection to people on those boards… I mean, I’m in a really good position to get some good work done. I could actually make the world a better place, which is out of reach for 99% of the population just because for every good deed one person does, it seems like there are five careless people who are un-doing that good deed. But together, and with focus, we could do amazing good things. And that’s a life worth living for.

The jury is still out. As far as I can tell, it’s a volunteer position, with the only compensation being the personal satisfaction of knowing that you did something valuable, and the ability to connect with people who want to make the same difference I want to make… which may be compensation enough.

And, of course, I may not even get the position. Meghan and Marian have several applicants (only two of whom I know). They may want someone better connected to the different parts of Burning Man culture here in LA… someone who everyone knows, not just some small subset of artists and miscreants. So this all may be a moot point.

I guess the only thing to do is wait and see…

Gigsville prom 063

Originally uploaded by Splat Worldwide

This is one of my favorite shots from the Gigsville prom photobooth. Talia and I initially dressed identically in matching black slip dresses and high heeled boots, with matching black curly wigs, but the wigs got itchy and we ditched them in her car while on a foot-water run (pictured in my glass as that unnaturally red liquid).

“Foot-water” was actually Sera-sport, which I was drinking compulsively all week after my little exciting trip to the med tent for severe dehydration. We called it “foot-water” because it tastes like a foot that has been swiped through the crack of an ass. It’s absolutely disgusting and is pretty difficult to drink, but it kept me well and out of the dirt most of the time.

A side benefit is that I never got drunk enough to forget what I was doing. Um. Yay. This doesn’t, however, mean that I didn’t get drunk enough to do things that I wouldn’t ordinarily do when I was sober. It just means that I remember Every. Fucking. Stupid. Thing. I. Did. (which hopefully explains the “dear God, what did I just do?!?” expression on my face)