All I Want Is A Normal Life

Ok, this is a TOTALLY UNRELEASED set from Splat, my brother and best friend.

Weight loss has become such a big part of my thoughts recently that I thought I might as well blog about it. I’ve been trying to minimize it, but all this point tracking takes a lot of attention and it’s really a big thing that I’m thinking about when I’m not thinking about work.

Twigsville, Gigsville’s annual camping trip, is coming up in a few days. Every year, it’s the same thing… I bring all this healthy food and then people make plates of enchiladas and chili and all manner of other things, and the healthy food ends up chauffeured all the way up to Cambria and all the way home, only to rot in the refrigerator from being warm in the car for too long.

Not to mention the drinking. As with any Gigsville trip, Twigsville is a lot like a group drinking binge for all people inclined to binge drink. For the past three years, I’ve brought a keg of ale that needs finishing before the end of the four days… and we keep it secret for the first two because otherwise, there would be no beer at the end of the event.

But this year, I’ve got to focus on other things besides eating huge quantities of community-cooked food and drinking oceans of beer. So how does one do it?

The Weight Watchers site offered the following recipe, which seems good (albeit modifiable for the better):
Mushroom Cap Pizzas
Makes 18 servings, 4 mushroom caps per serving
Total yield: 72 mini pizzas
POINTS® value | 0 per serving
Ingredients

* 72 cremini (baby bella) mushroom caps, wiped clean (about six 8 oz packages)
* 5 sprays olive oil cooking spray
* 1 cup prepared pizza sauce
* 1/2 cup fat-free ricotta cheese
* 4 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese
* 24 basil leaves, cut into ribbons for garnish
* Red pepper flakes, for garnish
* Garlic salt for garnish

Instructions

* Preheat broiler to high.

Coat a shallow baking pan or rimmed cookie sheet with cooking spray. Place mushroom caps, round-side down, in a single layer, in prepared pan; coat with cooking spray and broil for about 1 1/2 minutes. Flip mushrooms; coat with cooking spray and broil for another 1 1/2 minutes.

Turn mushrooms round-side down and fill each one with 1 teaspoon of pizza sauce and 1/2 teaspoon of ricotta cheese. Sprinkle mushrooms with Parmesan cheese; broil for another 1 1/2 minutes. Immediately remove mushrooms from pan and garnish as desired. Yields 4 mushroom caps per serving.

So, my car broke today. It was fine, working totally fine, and then when Edie Babe and I were heading out to the Theory Labs “Oh Come, All Ye A-Holes” party, my car would not start. Just click-click-click and nothing. All the lights were getting power and everything, just no starter turn-over. So we were basically stranded… and Isa, bless her heart, offered to have someone come fetch us and drive me back tomorrow, but I still feel kind of sick and I didn’t really want to spend much time at the party, so we ended up just deciding to finish the cheap blush wine that Edie bought and watching The Party with Peter Sellers (classic 60s movie). And honestly, I’m a little relieved that I didn’t have to go to the party… am I really becoming a shut-in? I guess so. I really was looking forward to seeing certain folks like Buck and Noosha, and maybe Vanessa if she came, and definitely MattShaw, whom I haven’t seen since –geeze, I dunno, maybe August?– a long time ago. But I don’t know that I was really in the mood to be at a huge crazy party bonanza.

I hardly go to parties anymore or even do much of anything. If David and I break up, I’m going to be seriously fucked for friends. He and I basically just spend all our leisure time together, which I guess is what most people experience as a committed relationship, but I’ve always been more independent… for exactly the reason that I kind of freak out if I don’t have a fairly wide circle of life outside of my boyfriend. I just don’t like being dependent on someone to complete my social life. It seems a little sick to me that someone would just spin off with someone into this silly couplelandia. But I guess that’s kind of where David and I are.

And I think I figured out what’s wrong with my car: it’s probably just a fuse for the starter. The weather’s a bit crazy and this kind of thing plays a bit of a number on fuses. I’ve got spares, so I’m not too worried. If it’s not that, then it may be the starter motor or the connection to the starter… but I’m starting with a fuse.

Hey All,

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

That was an amazing event. No… actually… screw the event.

That was an amazing family reunion.

I’m back at work and am double busy and come back facing increased responsibilities, lots more work, and a very relieved team. Doods, they’re making me a manager! Of humans! So I’ve been busy.

It’s not possible to tell you how much I appreciate everything from the wild times at Prom and with the Midnight Ridaazzz (btw, Tackett, did you mean the Jim Beam bukake?) to the serious times of emotional trainwreck on seeing the Ex (thanks, LuMi, Pete, and everyone who had to deal with my freakin’ mess) and going to the med tent to prevent the dirt nap (thanks, Connie Lynne) and my heterosexual life partner (for life, really!), Kathleen. It just isn’t possible to put it into words, even though I fancy myself a writer and even though I remember most of it.

The bar was amazing. Slinky, you did the most amazing job ever. Bob and JP, the buffalo was a perfect touch. Terry… holy fucking shit. The bar. I tested! It works!! And Ellen, thanks for providing me with the single most horrifying father-daughter moment ever. Really. It was bonding. And the sound system… HEY! I actually was able to figure it out and the music was GREAT! Thanks so much, Bunnies!

And Prom… Prom was more than just a night to regret. It was a night to really, really, really, really regret.
Here we are, regretting the fuck out of that night! Splat, the photobooth was a-freakin’-mazing.
And in all seriousness, there was something magic about that night. Even though there were a lot of strangers, everyone was family. Everyone was there and it was so wonderful. I can only hope those brain cells don’t die of abuse in the future, because the memories are just golden.

Speaking of golden… the year of non-consensual watersports is OVER, people. I won’t be peeing in anyone’s hands, ears, mouths, cups, or ANYTHING. Go ahead and beg, but it’s not happening.

The DFTs, Ea-cuP-Tea, KAOS… christ, people. I thought only we were as cool as us, but now I realize that you’re all totally USome and you’re one of us. Jake, I still cry when I think about the rose.

New mayors, Connie-Lynne and Dana, yes… I do need rape awareness training. Sorry for, um, whatever I did that I’m not admitting to and that you’ll only become aware of much, much later. Feel free to call me any time, day or night, and blubber (or ask advice). Thanks for letting me puke on your shoes. Pass it on.

And mostly, Jet. Man, I had no idea the depth and breadth of your awesomeness. Yes, I knew you were the best and freakin’ amazing, but I never thought that out of this whole process would come one of the most rewarding and wonderful partnerships I’ve ever been part of. I know you’d never use words like this, but I feel so blessed to even know you, let alone be one of your closest friends, let alone have MY URINE IN YOUR MOUTH. Truly, it’s love. I can’t wait to work with you on projects that have nothing to do with Burning Man… like finishing that pitcher of beer over there.

To everyone I haven’t mentioned in this email (and there are several dozen), it wouldn’t have been the amazing adventure that it was without you. The fact that I’m at work prohibits me from continuing this email further, but do know that just because you’re not called out by name doesn’t mean that I won’t call on our shared stories the minute someone asks about my _____est moment at Burning Man.

Thanks for everything. Srsly.

And I’m going off email for a while, so if you need to reach me, call or txt my cell

Loving you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful…
Normal