All I Want Is A Normal Life

On this eve of the first of the new year, I get to opportunistically reflect on the things I have, the things I want, and my purpose in life. I’ve always wanted to be “normal” and have a “normal life” (though most people I know would laugh if they heard me saying that, since my life bears little resemblance to the boring slog that most people think of when they hear “normal” — something I think of more as “quiet desperation”).

Ever since I was a little kid, I didn’t fit in. I looked like a boy until I was 9 and had to get into the habit of asking for the “ladies’ room” because service staff always directed me to the men’s room. I was too tall. I had no friends. Kids made fun of me. I wouldn’t wear a “training” bra and ended up needing a real bra earlier than anyone else I knew. Boys would dare each other to ask me out and then run away laughing. I got picked last in any athletic event I was forced to participate in. “Normal” seemed like this unattainable golden state that everyone else existed in… so when I got to pick my name, I decided that, by hook or by crook, I was going to be normal.

And that’s how I got to be “Normal.” And it really fits me, I think, since I have a regular job that I go to every day at roughly the same time. I have fairly un-exceptional thoughts on a day-to-day basis. I’m not very fashionable, but I’m also not notably unfashionable. I have hobbies like normal people: hiking, camping, hanging out with friends, blogging, photography. Yes, some of my hobbies are un-normal: collecting taxidermy, listening to Cracker all the time, modeling for unconventional photos (right), camping in the desert and applying spark to combustibles.

One thing I think I want to look into for the new year is what really *is* “normal life.” I want it… but do I? And what is it to other people? So I’ve set up a Google alert and will set out to figure out what a normal life is. Wish me luck.

From the site: Cutethingsfallingasleep.org

Allow me to be among the first female bloggers from Tujunga, CA to wish you a Merry Christmas!

I love the numbers today… very binary. Of course, this post will throw everything off, but such is life.

While megalomaniacally checking my stats today, I noticed that my stats PLUMMETED today. And of course they did. I didn’t post jack shit remotely interesting today. Even this blog post is a yawn-o-rama… and Nick, don’t even say that you liking this entry makes you boring, it just makes you easily amused.

And why would anyone (nick excluded) give any love to an un-updated blog? It takes me about two consecutive days of no updates before I lose interest and cruise TechCrunch for more stories about Yahoo!

But really…
Today was long. REALLY long. So long, in fact, that I couldn’t even use the restroom for most of the day. And now it’s 7:43 and I’m still at work, plugging away, about to bust into my emergency grapefruit. (just peeled it and am now making my keyboard all sticky — ew)

The Highlight, which is such a highlight that I feel like maybe I should put it in a different font color, is that Miranda sent me a package (or, rather, I received the package that Miranda had sent several days ago)!!!! In it was the following package inventory, listed on a square slip:

Package Inventory
1. Letter
2. “The Eyes Have It” – A themed mix
3. “Songs of Self-Depreciation” – A double mix
4. The Love Recordings – a field recording project as part of the field recording exchange late 2007 – 2008; I asked random poeple, some that I knew and some that I didn’t, 1) what their definition of love was, and 2) To share a story about when they were in love or felt love.
5. A dress/jumper that I dyed and customized with felt. I want you to have it. It took me a long time to make and it’s one of the most special things I have to give. Thanks for a great friendship.
Much love, M.

There just aren’t words to say how touched, amazed, appreciative, and inspired I am by the contents of the package. The dress fits really well and I got a lot of compliments on it today. I was so proud to say that my friend made it. The mixes are wonderful and filled with fantastic music (and even “The Eye of the Tiger”!). The letter was something I responded to right away (Miranda, it’s on its way… all boring text only of it). I’m puzzling a way to play the Love Recordings. I can’t wait to hear them. It looks like a trip to Fry’s is in my future!

It didn’t just make my day. It made a lot of days in the past and into the future, too. Even writing about it, I’m getting all teary. *snif*

Tomorrow, my mom’s arriving into Burbank airport, so I have to get out of here and get some sleep. I have to pick her up early and then continue on to work.

OMG. I have a fan. A GROUPIE! Look at this comment:

Thought I’d stop by and say HI! as I’ve become a Danielle “groupie” the past week! I discovered Sci-Fi Softcore on You Tube and got a big kick out of your comments. I enjoy all types of movies depending on my mood but have always been fascinated with cult movies. Have you read Shock Cinema or the late, lamented Psychotronic Video? Lot’s of fun. I also enjoyed your Road Trip short. Nicely done!

[snip]

Oh, I love your dog, too!

……and keep away from Bees!!

Regards,
Nick

Ok… so some people might be creeped out by this. But not me. I was all… Oh, I dunno… super flattered. I mean, Nick’s just so… personable! And how can I resist someone giving me a genuine compliment? Side note: I’ve deleted dozens of “your fat!” comments from those videos on YouTube, so to hear one person say that I’m not some grotesque freak show is really a refreshing change.

I haven’t seen many cult films recently. I got all into Westerns in August (Burning Man inspiration), and now I’m mainly watching TV and cinema movies. Most recently, I watched Ninja Scroll (gee, I should review that), Freaks, Hellboy, W. and the movies listed below with the 70s entry. My friend, Brian, recommended Stacy, a movie about zombie schoolgirls. He also recommended Zardoz, where I understand Sean Connery runs around in a red diaper. Sounds awesome.

If you’re looking for a really dumb/great movie, I can’t recommend Wild Zero enough. In fact, I’m so jazzed about Wild Zero that I just put it back on my Netflix queue and moved it to the top position. It even comes with its own drinking game!

So, thanks for the note, Nick!! It’s nice to see I’m not in a vacuum. I’ll definitely take you up on that drink in NY, if I ever get out that way.

While I was standing in Trimana yesterday waiting for my chicken noodle soup (my last non-vegan meal before I give my vegan friends the wedding present of going vegan for 2 weeks… TWO WEEKS!), I noticed on their TV monitor ad thingie that it was National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo). Back in 2004, I decided to embark on the insane mission of completing National Novel Writing Month (175 pages of breakneck writing in November). I got about 3/4 through the month and about 100 pages of the most awful tripe I’ve ever put out, let alone re-read.

It was painful. Terrible. And the story… was… the… worst. — Not to mention that I had no life and no self esteem for one whole month.

So when I saw the rotating ad placement, I got all optimistic (who wouldn’t?!). I thought maybe I could go ahead and start late and catch up… I mean, it’s only the 7th, which would leave me only a little bit behind. No sweat, right? Oh gimme a break. I’ll never do the AIDS Lifecycle again and I’m definitely not writing another crappy, unfinished novel in a month. Side note: I take on these insane, behemoth, marathon-style projects. Sometimes I finish them and sometimes I don’t.

Instead of doing the stupid NaNoWriMo again (hey, I still have the t-shirt), I’m going to do NaBloWriMo. Yes, I’m going to write at least ONE blog entry every day this month. It’s not an insane task. It’s totally do-able.

Welcome to NaBloWriMo. I’m sure I’ll make some t-shirts or something. Oh look, I already made one.